Finding My Happiness

I recently finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin for one of my book clubs (yes, yes, that's right, I'm a huge nerd who is a member of 2 book clubs).  Although I didn't particularly like the book, especially the unending, overuse of quotes and extensive research statistics and data that made me feel like I was back in university, the overall concept of the book has made me think. Not necessarily thoughts of how to be happier but thoughts of how to live an overall better life and be a better person.

Living through the loss of two children has made me start to reflect on how I can be a better person for my family and the people around me, how I can love more and make the most out of the short time we have here on earth. And though I had started to look at life this way over the past few months it's been during my reading of The Happiness Project that has given me the shove I've needed to actively pursue it.

For my own pursuit of happiness, what I've come up with is not nearly as extensive, elaborate or as well researched as Gretchen's but it has been well thought out and fits my life. And unlike Rubin's 12 resolutions (one for each month) each with their own goals and indicators I have come up with 7 of my own resolutions to help me live and appreciate my life, family and all that we have.

1. Play

In the busy world that we live in it is so easy to come home from a crazy day, flop down on the couch and get lost in the world of social media or wrapped up in figuring out dinner as Jace plays around me constantly asking me to just stop and play with him.  I'm not perfect and I get tired, but I am working to be that present parent who seizes that moment and just plays, within reason.  Sometimes cooking and cleaning needs to happen but truly what is a little bit of play in the grand scheme of things? He's not going to want me to play with him forever.

2. Go on Adventures

Now I'm not talking anything crazy here.  An adventure in our house is really any outing that takes us outside or to new locations.  Our adventures take us on walks, to the mall, to the park, the zoo and even the lake.  It's the getting our butts out the door to go on the adventures.  Who doesn't get stuck on the couch in a lazy fog from time to time?  Especially when we live in a  place where winters can be so very long and tedious, getting out on any day that is not unbearable, even for just a short period of time is worth it. So why not go for a walk, pick up a couple of blasters or lightsabers (sticks) along the way and fight all the bad guys you find?  I know I've never regretted it.

3. Take Advantage of Opportunities

I don't know about you but there have been countless times I have said no to something not because I don't want to or I can't, but simply because I think, "I don't know..." and then I spend so much time thinking about it that I never actually follow through. This is a tough one because I often start to think of the effect of my doing something on others the around me such as Jace and Jamie or my parents and in-laws.  However I am changing my philosophy, my way of thinking (or I'm going to try my best). Now all it takes is three questions - Do I want to do it? Can I actually do it? Is it financially possible?  If yes, yes and yes then I need to try and make it happen!  No more putting things off, it is time to make life happen, have fun and make unforgettable memories along the way.

4. Be Kinder

Kindness goes a long way and even though I consider myself a kind person, sprinkling a little extra never hurts.  Be it holding the door for the person coming up behind you, allowing the person behind you at the grocery store to go ahead of you because they only have a few items, or just smiling.  Going through the lowest of lows has shown me that you truly never know what is going on with a person on the inside so why not give them that extra shot of kindness, it could be that one thing that keeps them going that day.

5. Take Care of Me

I admit that at times I tend to take care of the others who are around me more than myself.  I make sure they are fed, clothed and are in good spirits before I look at my own needs. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to do it, but at times it means I don't always do what's best for me in terms of fitness and nutrition.  But I'm working on being better to me.  I've started watching what I eat and eating more whole foods thanks to Weight Watchers and their Simply Filling plan, I've signed up for Beach Body on Demand so I can access all sorts of exercise options at the touch of a button, and am trying out StepBet which is a walking challenge to keep me moving.  Now I just need to keep the motivation to be the best I can be so I can be a fit, happy and healthy mom and wife.

6. Be True to Me

Sometimes I mask who I am and what I like based on the thoughts and beliefs of the others who are around me, and I really get mad at myself for doing this. I down play my love for country music and deep down obsession for 90's boy bands when others scoff at those interests.  I pretend not to love a book or movie when certain people turn their noses up at them, and for what?  Are they going to dislike me for my choices? Probably not and honestly if they did who gives a shit? If someone thinks differently of me because of what I like then they don't deserve to be my friend anyway.

7. Calm Down

It doesn't happen often but when something or someone upsets me it doesn't take much for my blood to boil and my back to get up.  I don't know how many times I have walked away from a situation taken the time to breathe and come up with the best retort or comeback or had the notorious coulda, woulda, shoulda thoughts. If only I could do that in the moment.  I am doing my best to be more Bethenny. Anyone who has watched the RHONY (Real Housewives of New York) knows that this B is almost always calm and collected in the face of conflict and something I strive to be like.  She listens then reacts in the moment with a fierceness that I wish I possessed. Sometimes I just need to stop, step back and calm down, let the rein of terror come at me and be cool enough to use my sense to combat it. I strive to find my inner B.

I know these changes are a work in progress where I will have days when I excel and days that I fail to complete them but I'll keep pushing through.  The better and happier I am those around me will be as well, as I do believe happiness has a trickling effect. So here I go on my own journey to be truly happy and be the best person I know I can be.